Always (Always Series Book 1) Read online

  His tongue swipes along my bottom lip, and it’s like a reflex when mine reaches to meet him, inviting him in. Our mouths crash, our tongues tangle and our lips fuse perfectly together as our kiss escalates and deepens. It’s the kind of kiss that you feel from the top of your head to the tip of your toes. The kind that has you exchanging breath like you’re sharing your soul. The kind of kiss that is erotic yet sensual, frantic yet slow, lust yet love. This is the kind of kiss you never want to stop and weep at the thought of the end. This kiss is us.

  Breathing heavy, hearts racing, bodies panting, we slowly stop. “That was incredible,” I whisper, my eyes still closed, afraid to open them.

  “That was epically earth-shattering.” Travis places one last soft kiss on my sensitive lips before rolling onto his back, pulling me with him to lie on his chest.

  With my cheek resting there, I can feel his thundering heart beneath me. A smile crawls across my face as I listen contentedly until both of our hearts and breathing even out.

  We didn’t even have sex, and I already feel so tied and intimately close to Travis. I can’t help but want this and so much more.

  “Do you know when I knew for sure that I loved you?”

  I shift so I can look at him. “You love me?”

  The smile he gives me is the sweetest, sexiest smile as he reaches out and pulls me up to kiss me again. “If you didn’t already know that I’m in so deep with you, then I’ve done a shitty job of showing you.”

  “Tell me,” I say as I lie back down, putting my head on his shoulder. His fingers curl into my hair and play with it as he starts talking, telling me about a day that had been one of the worst days of my life. Or had been until now…

  TRAVIS

  I had stayed at your house the night before and was getting ready for school. I had football practice after, and you were in the kitchen making sure all of us ate breakfast and had everything we needed for school and work: us kids our homework and lunches, Adam his briefcase with whatever he was working on and coffee. I remember thinking I could only hope to marry a woman one day that took care of me and our family the way you did. Adam was short with you though that morning, and it pissed me off. Here he had a beautiful wife taking care of him, and he was treating you like shit. He left, and I remember giving the door my finger.

  When it was time for Ollie and me to leave for school, you handed each of us a lunch. It wasn’t the first time you’d packed a lunch for me, but it still shocked me every time because it was so foreign to me. You hugged Ollie and told him you loved him. Then, you turned to me and hugged me. You whispered in my ear that you packed me an extra sandwich for after school because you knew how hungry I got and winked at me before I turned to the door.

  School was just another day. Nothing different from the last, except when I got to the locker room to change for practice. I was in my corner changing, and the guys were being assholes, as usual. I typically ignored them, but I heard one of the senior guys say your name. My head snapped up to listen. They were talking about how hot a MILF you were and that they would bone you. I don’t even remember walking over to them. The next thing I remember was being pulled off the fuckwad by coach. I had broken his nose from the multiple punches I’d thrown at him for disrespecting you.

  “Don’t ever talk about her like that! In fact, don’t ever say her name again!” I yelled at him as coach was holding me back from beating him some more.

  I got suspended from playing in three games. And I didn’t even care.

  I left school, not being allowed to stay for practice and headed back to your house.

  I walked in and all I heard was you sniffling on the couch. I remember thinking maybe you were sick, almost like yesterday. But when I saw you, I knew something bad had happened. Your eyes were red and puffy, and your face was soaked with tears as you lay there curled up on the couch. I crouched down next to you and asked what was wrong, what happened.

  You said, “He left me, Travis. I wasn’t enough.”

  Those words, I swear, crushed me just as much as you. I couldn’t believe anyone could make you feel that you weren’t enough. To me, even then, you were everything. You were a mom, a friend, and I realized at that moment I wanted you to be more. I realized that I would literally do anything to make you happy. To make you feel loved and wanted and enough. I wanted you. All of you. Always.

  I sat on the couch and pulled you into me and let you cry as much as you needed as I held you. I never wanted to let you go.

  Then the saddest and most beautiful thing happened. You cried yourself to sleep in my arms.

  Your alarm went off a little while later, letting you know that you needed to get Tatum from school. You looked up at me, kissed my cheek and hugged me. You said, “Thank you, Travis. Sometimes even I need to be held.”

  Then you got up, picked up Tatum, came home and made dinner. You even let me still stay and eat with you. You’ve always shown me nothing but love and kindness. I left after dinner and went home to give you guys time to do what you needed.

  But, Josie, the damnedest thing about that night was that after that, I never saw you wallow or fall apart again. Maybe you were really good at hiding it from everyone, maybe not, but to me, that showed how strong you were. I already knew you were tough as shit, but seeing you pick up and get on with life was amazing to watch. You never faltered. You basically gave that dickhead the biggest ‘fuck you’, and I found it to be the sexiest thing.

  I think I knew I had real feelings for you when I punched that jerk in the locker room. My heart created a place for you when you cried and let me hold you. My love for you grew each day after, watching you still care for and love your kids – and me – the way you always did and more.

  But I knew I was flat out madly in love with you a month later. It was my first game back after being suspended. That morning, you had packed a lunch for me to take to school, again. You whispered that you gave me an extra sandwich, again. But you did something special that day. In with my second sandwich, you wrote a note and it said, “Trav, I’m so proud of you. Play an amazing game and smile more, because the world deserves to see it. Love, Josie PS Don’t tell Ollie; I don’t write him notes with his sandwiches anymore. ;)”

  Then, at game time when we ran out onto the field, you were sitting in your usual seats with Tatum, and you were clapping and cheering. But when our eyes met, you gave me a silly face so I’d smile. And I did. But my smile that night was only for you. I only wanted to give my smiles to you. You’ve always been the only one that truly deserved them.

  Later, after the game, I hugged you, like I always did, and you said, “You guys won the game, but your smile won me.” I knew you didn’t mean it how I wanted you to, but it was enough that I knew I loved you.

  I pause before going on. “I was in love with you. I still am in love with you three years later. All I’ve ever wanted was to be able to get to this point where I could have you. Show you and try my hardest to convince you that we can have a life together. That I’ll take care of you and to me, you’ll always be more than enough. Always. Look, Josie, I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes and there’s plenty of immature shit I’ve done in the past three years, but I assure you that my feelings are and always have been real. I hope you know that. I hope you believe me when I tell you that.”

  Wow, that was a lot to tell her. I can only hope, from the quiet and stillness of her, that she: 1. Isn’t asleep. 2. Believes everything I just said and feels a fraction for me of what I feel for her. And 3. I didn’t just scare her.

  I hear her sniffle, and I’m not sure whether that’s a good or bad thing until I feel her turn her head and place a simple kiss on my chest and squeeze my middle.

  “Say something, Joes. I have to know what you’re thinking.”

  “Travis, I don’t know what to say. There’s so much and not enough.”

  I pull her chin so she’s looking at me when I say, “It’s always enough with you.”

  There’s a fresh
wave of tears threatening to spill out when she moves to straddle me. “I think I always knew deep down there was something more with you. You’ve always been special to me. Lord knows I can’t say no to you, never have been able to.” I chuckle at the truth in that. “But I didn’t know what to make of it. I was afraid to let myself think of you as anything other than Ollie’s friend because it didn’t seem right. But after you told me how you felt, and especially knowing what you just told me, how can I not follow my heart? In all fairness, I don’t think I’m as far into the love pool as you, but I’m definitely getting there.”

  “Thank fuck…” I say, but it all comes out in a whoosh of breath. “I was afraid I was being the world’s biggest douche.”

  “Definitely not a douche.”

  “Good to know.”

  “Where do we go from here?”

  “Wanna have sex?” I joke, but when she bites her lip and nods, I get instantly hard. I’m sure she can feel it since she’s sitting on me.

  “I really, really do, but I still think we should wait. Do you hate me now?”

  I pinch my brows together. How could she ever think that? “Never. I could never hate you.”

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Of course. You can ask me anything.” She swallows, and I see the nerves rise in her. “Hey, it’s OK. You don’t have to be nervous with me. It’s you and me from here on out.”

  “Alright… here it goes. I can’t believe I’m asking you this,” she says, looking up at the ceiling. “How many girls have you been with?” Ok. That was not was I was expecting her to ask. “I mean, I’ve heard you boys talk at the house, and I know you’ve dated some. Gosh, I sound ridiculous. Forget I asked. It doesn’t matter. I’m an idiot.”

  She’s flustered and turning red with embarrassment, and I should put her out of her misery, but she’s so adorable like this. I grab her hands in mine and kiss her fingers to calm her down. “It’s not a big deal. I’ll tell you if you want to know.” I raise a brow asking if she really does want the answer, receiving a shy nod. “I’ve had sex with three girls. Do you want to know about other stuff, too?”

  “No! Sorry, no, that’s OK.”

  “So, what about you, little lady. How many snakes did you let in your garden?”

  “Ew! Don’t say it like that!” she laughs, but at least I broke her out of her nerves.

  “Well?”

  “One.”

  “That’s it? I mean I know that you had Ollie young and were with him for a long time… But after? No one?” Biting her lip again, she shakes her head no. “Well, shit.”

  “Is that a bad thing?”

  “No! Not at all. I’m just surprised.”

  “Why? It’s not like I’m actress quality or anything.”

  “Josie. You are gorgeous.” She scrunches up her nose. “Whether you believe it or not doesn’t matter; it’s the truth. You are.”

  “I guess I’ll take your word for it.”

  “You can take my word for it now. But soon, I’m going to show you just how beautiful you are.” That blush of hers creeps back up, but this time it’s a whole new kind of embarrassment.

  “I haven’t been with a man in over four years.”

  “So even at the end, you didn’t…” She shakes her head so I don’t have to finish my question.

  “Fuck. You’re practically a virgin, Joes.” She laughs loud and hard until tears are falling down her cheeks.

  “You do remember that I’ve had two kids, right? Travis, I lost my virginity almost twenty years ago. My boobs sag, I have stretch marks from being pregnant and my hips are wide enough to birth a small elephant. But if you want to pretend I’m a beautiful virgin, we can do that.”

  “OK, first, I know you have two kids. One is my best friend, and if you hadn’t lost your virginity when you did, he wouldn’t be here, and neither would I. Second, your boobs don’t sag… that much.” That earns me a rightful smack. “I could tell you more honestly if you let me see them is all I’m saying. Stretch marks? Pfft. And your hips? Don’t even get me started on your curves. It’s my favorite thing about you. I love that you are curvy and soft where women are supposed to be. I find it so sexy. And you, Josie Duncan, are about the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

  “Thank you,” she says before bending down and kissing me. “For everything.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “How about some breakfast and a Friends marathon today? Do you mind if we just hang out and bum around? It’s usually what I do when the kids are gone.” She blushes again, and it might be my new favorite thing about Josie. I never knew her to be a blusher, but now that I know she is, I’m going to have so much fun seeing how many ways I can make it happen.

  Snaking my hands in her hair and pulling her down for another kiss, I say, “I think that sounds like the most perfect day, weekend, life with you, ever. I do have to go to the garage later this afternoon, but we can bum around until I need to leave.”

  After we finally crawl out of bed, I jump in the shower before I head downstairs. I’m greeted with the smell of frying bacon and fresh coffee as I watch Josie with new eyes. Damn this woman. If she only knew what she did to me. I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her middle, resting my chin on her shoulder to watch as she flips pancakes. It’s stupid how much I can’t keep my hands off of her. I’m in trouble once Ollie and Tate come home. She turns her head with a smile and kisses me before turning back to her task. I run my hands down her sides and over her hips before I walk over to pour us some coffee.

  “I fucking love those leggings you always wear at home,” I say, handing her a hot cup of coffee with cream, just the way she likes it.

  “You do?” she asks, scrunching her nose.

  “They’re so soft and show off every one of your curves. What’s not to love?”

  “My jiggly ass in them,” she scoffs. I know she’s trying to be funny, but I hate that her ex made her feel anything less than beautifully perfect.

  Walking over to her again, I grab her ass, hard, making her gasp with surprise. “This ass is perfect. I don’t want to hear you talk like that about yourself again. Got it?”

  “Uh huh,” she says with a look of shock and surprise written all over her face, but there’s something more there. Lust, desire maybe. Maybe my girl likes it a little rough. Noted.

  We eat our breakfast, talking like nothing has changed, but things definitely have. It’s a surreally strange thing to see how we’re evolving in our relationship. After we eat, we cuddle on the couch and watch Friends. It’s the perfect day. Nothing sexual, except a few kisses here and there, as we hold each other on the couch.

  I groan when I have to peel myself away from Josie to get ready to head into the garage, but she assures me that she’ll be here waiting for me. I bend and kiss her bye before I leave with a smile on my face and more pep in my step because I got my girl waiting for me, just like I’ve dreamed about.

  Chapter 8

  Josie

  As soon as I heard the door shut and Travis’s truck back out of the driveway, I couldn’t help the squeal that escaped. I still feel so utterly confused, but when it’s just Trav and me, it feels so right. We fit so perfectly. When I think about it, I can actually see us forming a future together. I know it sounds ridiculous and will take a lot to figure things out, but I think I want to try. Maybe I am losing my mind. I don’t know. What I do know is that the way I feel when I’m with Travis I haven’t felt in a very long time. And it scares me. A lot.

  I clean up around the house, catch up on the never-ending laundry, and get dinner started while I wait for Travis to get back home. While dinner is cooking, I jump in the shower to get cleaned up, thinking about how badly I want to be able to do this with Travis. Not just shower with him but do this. Do life. Gosh, I am losing my mind.

  I gather my hair up into a messy top knot, not bothering to dry it, pull on my favorite pair of leggings that have digital-patterned flowers and a loose V-neck c
otton shirt. I swipe my eyes with a little mascara and head down to check on dinner.

  I’m bent over pulling out the roasted chicken and veggies when I hear him from behind me. “If that isn’t the best sight to see coming home from work, I don’t know what is. Damn, Josie.” His deep, rough voice hits me right at my center, turning me on.

  Gosh, this man.

  “Hey, baby. I made dinner. I hope you’re hungry.”

  “Oh, I’m hungry, but it’s not necessarily for food, Joes.” I feel my cheeks turn hot and my panties get wet at his admission.

  “Well, let’s eat dinner and then we can figure out dessert.”

  He offers a lifted brow and surprised smile as he walks over to me, stops and just looks at me for a minute before enveloping my body in his and giving me a tantalizing kiss. When he releases me, he nonchalantly walks to wash his hands and then walks to the table to sit where I have dinner set out waiting. I quietly sit down and dish food onto our plates before we start eating. We eat in silence, each stealing glances at one another as our feet tangle under the table.

  The second we both finish the last of our food and our forks hit our plates, we both stand in a frenzy to get to each other. There’s kissing and hands and tongues and touching everywhere. Travis picks me up and perches me on the table, standing between my legs. He slowly lifts my shirt over my head, leaving me in my lace bra. His eyes trail over me slowly before our eyes meet. “Josie, you have to stop me if you want to stop, because otherwise, I don’t think I’ll be able to.”

  “I know I want you. I’m just not sure how far I’m comfortable with right now, but I’ll let you know when we get there. In the meantime, can you take your shirt off?” I wiggle my eyebrows up and down. He smirks at me as he pulls his shirt off and tosses it over my head. My hands immediately reach out to explore his skin. It’s the first time I’ve really allowed myself to touch Travis like this since everything started with us. It feels forbidden and naughty, yet natural and what I’ve been missing in my life.