Always (Always Series Book 1) Read online

  * * *

  To say that I was relieved when I found Sara sucking face with another dude in the hall is the understatement of the century. I acted shocked, but really, I was fist-pumping that I was getting out of having to share a hotel room with her while trying to keep her off my dick. I offered them the room I had gotten. They took it, because they are greedy assholes, and took off, leaving me as the odd man out in my group of friends.

  I told Ollie what happened, assured him I was good and was going to bounce and go home. He and everyone else tried to get me to stay, but there was no way I wanted to hang out with all of them or be in the other bed in the hotel room while they silently fucked. No, thank you.

  I didn’t even think twice about the five-mile walk home from the school. It gave me time to think about what I was really doing. I was going about this all wrong. Josie isn’t some teenage girl. She’s a woman. A woman who had to grow up fast after becoming a teen mom, was hurt and deceived badly by someone she loved, learned to start over and is stronger because of it.

  Yeah, I was doing this all dead fucking wrong. Josie isn’t into playing games and bullshit. She may have a fun-loving, easy-going personality and the most contagious laugh, but she doesn’t mince words, either. She does what she needs to protect her kids, to provide for them and to get through each day. She’s amazing. She’s so much stronger and braver than she thinks.

  I think that’s when it all changed for me, seeing her as someone I liked, rather than a second mom. When I watched her fall apart after that asshat left her, it was amazing to see her strength from the outside as she pulled herself together. She brushed it off and came out the other side better than she was before. Sure, she has her moments of weakness every now and then, but who doesn’t? Even then, she tries her best not to let her kids see that and pushes past those moments with her head held high.

  By the time I reach my house, I can feel the blisters rubbing on my feet from the dress shoes I rented with my tux. Ready to just climb into bed and forget about this whole night, I take one step inside when I hear my parents fighting. Great. Just add this to the list of things that suck about this night.

  Normally, when they fight like this, which is pretty much every time my dad is actually here, I go to Josie’s to sleep for the night, trying to stay out of it. He’s never hit my mom that I know of, but the words he spews still hit with a punch, adding to her lack of self-worth. He’s a sonofabitch when he’s drinking, and he’s always drinking. When he’s gone, it’s usually pretty calm, aside from my mom’s habits in order to cope with said husband.

  My mom is the opposite of Josie. She’s weak. I’ve tried, Lord knows I’ve tried, to get her clean and to stop with the men, but she always gives up and gives in. The longest she’s ever stayed clean was six months when I was sixteen, after I beat the shit out of the guy I found trying to take advantage of her drug-induced state at the time. But then my dad came home one night, drunk, called her names and she went back to her vices. That’s when I gave up on her.

  It hurt to watch her get clean and sober. Cleaning up her vomit and filth and being there for her detox. No kid wants to see their mom in pain and suffering. But once all that shit was out of her system, we started to have so much fun. We’d cook dinner together, she came to my games, we had fun and we laughed. We started to have the relationship that I longed for, that I saw other kids have with their parents. But it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough for her. I never was.

  I hear what sounds like glass shattering, and it pulls me from my thoughts. I dart in the direction of the fighting. I storm into my dad’s office, liquid and glass spread across the floor from what looks like a liquor bottle being thrown. My eyes are met with a fist to the face that I wasn’t expecting.

  I stumble back a step, not prepared for the hit. “What the fuck!”

  “This is all your fault!” My father yells as he pulls his hand back, ready to swing again, but this time I’m ready and dodge him.

  “What the hell are you talking about? I just got home!”

  “I came home to find your whore of a mother in bed with another man. Where were you that you didn’t stop her from prostituting around, you little bastard?”

  It’s then that I see my mom cowering under his desk, wrapped in a sheet, crying and shaking.

  “I was at prom, asshole. She’s a grown-ass woman, who makes her own decisions. I’m not her fucking keeper,” I seethe, because as much as I know I should try to protect her, I just can’t in this moment. I will not be blamed for her choices.

  “I always knew you were a worthless piece of shit. Won’t even take care of your mother. Get out of my sight and out of my fucking house!” As he yells this at me, I watch his anger switch from my mother to me. He’s tenderly pulling her out and holding her against his body like he gives a shit. Maybe this is my way of taking care of her.

  “No problem there,” I scoff as I turn to leave, throwing my finger up behind me, aimed at my father.

  By the time I walk two houses down to the one that’s been my refuge and more of a home to me than my own, I can feel my anger radiating through me in waves. My hands are shaking as I open the front door.

  JOSIE

  I’ve been staring at the ceiling in my bedroom, watching the fan turn in circles for what feels like an eternity. After I tucked Tatum in bed, I took a shower, and all the emotions that ran through me from the day poured out of me in tears. Exhausted from sobbing over something, or someone rather, that I’ve never even had, I fell into my bed, my mind ping-ponging through every variation of how things could have played out—none of them ending well.

  I’m pulled from my thoughts when I hear something fall. Knowing that Tatum is asleep and Ollie is out for the night, I have no idea where the sound could be coming from. I slowly pull my bedroom door open and peek out into the hallway. I see light seeping in from under the door in the bathroom that Tate and Ollie share.

  I make my way to the bathroom and lightly knock on the door before I open it. “Tate, you alright, sweet girl?” But it’s not Tatum on the other side. I gasp, not expecting to see him, especially bloody and bruised. “Ohmygosh! Travis, what happened?” I say in a rush as I close the door and walk into the small room with him.

  “It’s nothing,” he says, his voice sounding rough and not looking up to meet my eyes.

  “Trav, this is not nothing. What happened? Are you OK? Is Ollie—”

  “Ollie is fine,” he cuts me off, sounding mad.

  My brows pull together in confusion at his anger. Glad that my son is alright, I’m still scared about what is going on with Travis. But I know better than to push him. I close my gaping mouth and wet a washcloth with warm water. “Sit.” I direct him, nodding toward the closed toilet. He, surprisingly, listens and sits, still refusing to look at me.

  He hisses as I place the warm cloth over his beautiful, broken face. He is covered in dried blood, but I’m still not sure where it came from. I begin to slowly clean him up, being as gentle as I can, not wanting to cause him more pain.

  “Let me get you some water to take something for the pain and swelling,” I say as I turn. When I come back with a glass of water, he hasn’t moved. Not an inch. “Here,” I say, handing him the pills and glass. I watch his throat bob as he swallows them and drinks down the contents of the glass.

  “Travis, talk to me. Are you alright?” I ask, reaching up with a traitorous hand to caress the side of his face. He still doesn’t say a word but closes his eyes leaning into my touch. “You have to tell me how to help you.”

  “Can I just hold you?” he asks, piercing me with his eyes for the first time. His beautiful eyes are full of sadness, and I feel my walls crack as my heart breaks, wanting to help him and take all that sadness away.

  I step back and nod as I take his hand and pull him up to stand, not breaking our eye contact. “Do you, um, do you want to shower and change?”

  “Yeah, I probably should, but I don’t have a change of clothes.”


  “I’ll get you some.” He nods back in response.

  I walk into Ollie’s room to get him a pair of gym shorts, T-shirt and then freeze. Should I get him underwear? I sit on the bed for a minute to get my bearings.

  What in the hell am I doing? I take a deep breath. This is ridiculous. Something bad obviously happened tonight. He needs a mom, someone to lean on. He’s not trying to get in your pants, you slut! Get him the appropriate clothes and be there for him, as a mom. As a friend.

  Steam billows out of the bathroom as I pull open the door, biting my lip, not sure if this is alright. Of course, it’s not alright, you ho-bag. I put the clothes on the vanity, keeping my eyes on the floor the whole time, wondering if I should try to talk to him now or wait. I hear the water turn off and my head snaps up without me thinking, the same time that the shower curtain opens, revealing a naked, wet and beautiful man in front of me. “Oh fuck.”

  His eyes shoot to me then, not knowing I was there, creepily standing in silence for the past few minutes. I see the smirk pull at the corner of his mouth as he reaches for a towel. “Thank you for the clothes,” he says, giving me his full, smug smirk now.

  “Ohmygosh… I’ll be, uh, in my room.” I turn to leave, covering my face with my hands, feeling it turn red with embarrassment.

  “Wait.”

  “Trav…”

  “No, I don’t mean,” he pauses and takes a breath. “Please just, just stay with me. Please?”

  “You have to put clothes on, Travis.”

  I hear him huff a laugh from behind me. “I will. I am.”

  With my hands still covering my face, I drop my head and it hits the wall, not realizing how close I was. “Shit! Ouch!”

  “You have a potty mouth tonight,” Travis laughs again. “You OK?” I feel his warmth behind me, around me, everywhere. He turns me to face him. When I open my eyes, I’m looking at his bare chest. Damnit. I chance a glance down, and thank you, Jesus, he has on the shorts. “You just bumped it; you’re going to be alright.” He tells me before he places a kiss on the tender spot I just hit. “Come on, clumsy, let’s go to bed.”

  He takes my hand and leads me down to my bedroom. It’s not until he closes the door behind me that I wake up from the fog I’m in and everything clears. He wants to sleep with me. In my bed.

  “Travis, I can’t sleep with you.”

  “Well, not like that. A little presumptuous, don’t you think?”

  “What? But I thought…”

  “Josie, it’s been a long-ass night. I just need to feel you. Please, just let me hold you tonight. I promise that’s all. Please?”

  It’s then that I can hear the innocence and vulnerability in his voice again. “OK.”

  “OK?”

  “Yes, OK. But you have to talk to me. Tell me what happened,” I say as I climb into bed, folding down the covers on the other side as an invitation I never thought I’d give. He stands there, pulling at his bottom lip, contemplating what happens next, I’m sure. He waits for a few minutes before he moves and walks toward the bed.

  Once he climbs in and pulls the covers over him, I reach over and turn off the lamp on my bedside table. We lay there, both of us unmoving and silent.

  “My dad’s a drunk,” he says, breaking our silence after a while.

  “I guessed as much. Your mom?”

  “Booze, pills and men.”

  “Why didn’t you stay at the dance and go on with everyone else tonight to the hotel?”

  “My date bailed on me.”

  “What?” I ask shocked, wondering if it’s true or if he’s saying that for my benefit.

  “I found her with her tongue down someone else’s throat. I gave them my blessing and room key and left.”

  “Oh Trav, I’m so sorry.”

  I feel him shrug. “It’s no biggie. I didn’t want to be there and definitely didn’t want to do that with her.”

  “What happened to you then? How did you get hurt?”

  “My dad’s a drunk,” he says again.

  I gasp as I realize what he’s saying. “He hit you?” I ask as I turn to face him, reaching out to feel his swollen face. He doesn’t answer my question, but he doesn’t need to. I already know the answer.

  “He kicked me out tonight. Told me I was worthless and it was my fault my mom is the way she is. I didn’t think twice about it. I just came here.”

  “Always, Travis. You can always come here.” Without thinking, I scoot closer into him, laying my head on his chest and wrapping my arm around him. Why does it feel so normal and right? Why do we fit together so easily?

  “Josie?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Thank you.”

  I shift onto my elbow now, trying to look into his face in the dark. “You never have to thank me for taking care of you, Travis. Because I’d do anything for you.”

  I still can’t see much in the dark, but I feel his hands go to my face and snake into my hair, pulling me into him. Our lips connect, and it’s like a bolt of lightning explodes. It’s a short, sweet kiss. He doesn’t push for more, but I want more. God forgive me, I want more.

  I lean into him again until I feel his soft, pouty lips touch mine, causing a slight moan to escape. It’s all the permission he needs to further our kiss. He kisses me back, this time sucking my lip into his mouth, caressing it with his tongue. Ohmygosh, I’m going to orgasm from kissing an eighteen-year-old. I’m going to burn in hell. Well, if I’m going to burn, might as well make it worth it.

  I get my legs under me and then swing one over him, straddling him as my hands touch his muscled chest. Another moan comes from me as I feel his erection through his shorts and my leggings. Fuck, does that feel good. It’s been so long since I’ve been with a man. A man. That’s what Travis is. A man. A sexy as sin man. And that’s what he is to me, a beautiful sin. My beautiful sin.

  He pushes up into my center, and it all but unravels me. “Fuck, you can’t do that, or I’m going to lose it.” I manage to get out between ragged breaths.

  “Maybe I want to see you lose it. And maybe I want to be the reason for it.”

  I freeze, all things stopping. “No.” I sit back, running my hands over my face. “What is wrong with me? We can’t do this. I can’t do this.”

  “Josie,” he says my name, melting some of my reserve away as he pulls my hands from my face. “Stop fighting this. You and I both know that we’re good. This is good.”

  I climb off of him and sit back on my side of the bed, turning on the lamp so I can see his face for this. We both squint for a second, our eyes adjusting to the sudden brightness assaulting us. I run my hand over my face and through my hair again.

  “Travis, it’s wrong.”

  “How can you sit there and say that? Believe that? I know that you feel it, too. You feel the electricity that pulses through us when we touch, when we kiss. That doesn’t just happen. That’s us.”

  I shake my head no over and over at his words, but inside I know the truth in everything he’s saying.

  “No. We can’t do this. Tonight I’ll sleep, and only sleep, with you, because I think that’s what we both need right now. But then that’s it. You have to move on. You have to forget about my old, fat ass and do the things you’re supposed to with friends and girls your age.” I watch his face as his eyes harden and he clenches his jaw in anger the more I say and the more I push him away. “You deserve so much more than me, Trav. And when you find that person, it’ll be amazing, and I’ll be so happy for you.”

  “You don’t get it. No one ever wants me. I’m never good enough. And now it’s the same with you.”

  “Travis…”

  “I love you, Josie. I always will.” He stands up and starts for the door.

  “Where are you going?” I ask panicked, not ready to let him go yet.

  “I’m going to sleep in Ollie’s room.”

  “But why?”

  “Because this isn’t enough. And if I stay here, with you, tonight, I�
�m not going to be able to walk away again. So, if you’re sure this is it for us, then I’m done. It’s too damn hard to start and stop with you. So, are you sure?”

  I don’t want to be sure. I don’t want to say yes, but I know in my heart that I have to. I have to be the adult and make him see that this isn’t OK. This isn’t right, no matter how good it may feel. Instant gratification doesn’t always end well, and sometimes the lingering effects from it are the worst kind.

  I close my eyes, not wanting to see his face fall when I whisper, “Yes.” I open my eyes just before he leaves my room. “Travis?” He stops but doesn’t turn. “You can stay here as long as you need to. No matter what, you’ll always have a home here.”

  He nods and leaves the room, closing me into my room, alone. The second the door clicks closed, tears begin to freely fall down my face. I fall backward and roll over, smothering my cries into the pillow that already smells like him.

  Chapter 5

  Josie

  I’m surprised to see Travis still here when I come downstairs the next morning. Alright fine, so maybe it’s closer to the afternoon by the time I pull myself together enough to face the day. I didn’t sleep at all after Travis left the room. I cried, I stared at the ceiling, I walked to the door to go after him about twelve times and cried some more. Now, my eyes are red and puffy, and my throat is sore and dry. I feel like I was run over by a truck, but really my heart just broke.

  “It’s about time you woke up,” Tatum says to me as I walk into the kitchen where she and Travis are sitting at the table playing a hand of Uno. “I’ve already beat Trav eight times, but he’s determined to beat me at least once. I told him it wasn’t going to happen.” She’s so sure of herself. I love that this crazy girl doesn’t let anyone push her around.

  “There’s still coffee in the carafe if you want some,” Travis says with a small, tired smile pulling at his lips when he puts down a ‘draw two’ card, making Tatum huff.

  “Thanks,” I mumble as I walk past him and pour a cup. Taking a sip of the warm liquid, it feels good on my raw throat.