Always (Always Series Book 1) Read online

  “I’m not even going to lie. I haven’t touched it since high school, but that sounds amazing,” Jay says through the quiet of everyone. Right now, I’m so fucking grateful for her. If I wasn’t completely in love with the girl in my lap, I’d kiss her.

  “OK!” Josie jumps up. “Trav, come help me?”

  I stand and walk with her into the house. It’s good timing because the pizza guy rings the doorbell as soon as we walk inside. I pay and take the pizza outside before meeting Josie upstairs in our bedroom.

  “You alright?”

  “Yeah. I just feel weird. It’s going to sound stupid, but I feel like I have to impress them all.”

  “That is stupid.”

  “Well, thanks, you jerk.” She shoves my shoulder, but I capture her hand and pull her tight into my chest.

  “It’s stupid because you’ve known everyone down there for years, and they all already love you. You have nothing to prove.”

  “I know. But it’s different. I’m not just Ollie’s mom. Now, I’m your girlfriend. Your cougar.”

  “Don’t ever call yourself that again,” I laugh, kissing her on the nose. “Come on, let’s go get high with our friends and celebrate Ollie’s birthday.” She takes a big breath before she says nods.

  She grabs her stash, and we make our way back downstairs. I stop and get the cooler filled with beers before we go back outside. It doesn’t take long before beers are popped open, blunts are lit and passed, and the pizza is gone. It’s like old times but better. Better because now I have Josie.

  We’re all a little high and drunk a couple hours later. The fire is dying down, and everyone is starting to go inside to find their place in the house to crash for the night.

  I look down at my girl sleeping sweetly in my arms. I’m overwhelmed with a sense of contentment that crashes through me. I knew years ago that this, Josie, was what I wanted, but I didn’t expect to ever get it. Now, holding her after everything, I’m the happiest sonofabitch that ever lived. I close my eyes and bury my nose in her neck and get lost in her, her scent that gets me higher than anything I could ever smoke or drink.

  “It’s really good to see you so happy. I meant what I said earlier,” Alex says, pulling me from getting too lost in my girl. I didn’t even realize he was still out here or had come back out.

  “Thanks, man.”

  “How’s she doing? I mean, I hear stuff here and there, but that’s about it. She still doing chemo and all that shit?”

  “No. Chemo is done. She has two weeks left of radiation, then they want to start her on hormone therapy. But the worst is behind us.”

  A smile breaks across his face. “Us, huh?”

  “Yes, dipshit, us.”

  “You’re really all in, aren’t you? Like, you want marriage and babies and all that?”

  “Yep. It’s always been her. I was just a young kid with all these feelings and not understanding them all. Once I was honest with myself, I knew she was all I’d ever want. I would have married her the day we got back together, but she said she wanted to be healthy and know she could give me a future before we got married. And kids?” I take a deep breath, thinking about my answer. “If she wanted to have a baby, and could, I would gladly put a baby in her belly. But I don’t know if she wants more kids or will even be able to have any more after everything.” I shrug before continuing. “It’s not a make or break for me. I just need her.”

  “Damn, Trav. You sure have changed and grown up.” He stands, making his way to go inside with everyone else, but pauses. “It’s a good look on you. Happy and content, I mean.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah, man. I’m glad you got your girl.”

  “Me too.” He has no idea how glad I am.

  I kiss my sleeping beauty before I scoop her up and carry her inside. I give everyone a nod goodnight before I make my way upstairs with my girl in my arms. When I reach the top, Ollie is coming out of the bathroom.

  “She alright?” he asks, his eyes taking in his sleeping mom in my arms.

  “She’s good. It was just a lot for her, I’m sure. That’s the most activity she’s had in a while. I’m going to get her to bed. You good?”

  “Yeah, dude, I’m good.”

  “Night then.”

  “Trav?” I turn in answer to him calling my name. “Thank you. For being here. For helping with Tate and my mom.”

  “Of course, dude. You don’t have to thank me.”

  “Still. Thank you. I can see how much you care about her. I’m glad she has you.”

  “You know I love her, right?”

  “I know.”

  “You know I’m gonna marry her when she lets me, right?”

  “Shit. I know.”

  “You know I’m gonna be your new daddy, right?”

  “Shut the fuck up,” he laughs. “Get her to bed.”

  I chuckle and turn, making my way down the hall to our room. I gently lay Josie down on the bed and bend to kiss her cheek. “I love you,” I whisper against her skin.

  “I love you, too.” I smile at her words. I never get tired of hearing her say them.

  She turns her head to look at me. Then she kisses me, lulling me into her. A strangled groan escapes, getting lost in our connected lips.

  I pull away before I can’t bear to anymore. “I’m going to shower, then I’ll be in bed with you. You need anything?”

  “Can I join you?” Her question takes me by surprise. Josie still hasn’t let me see her naked since surgery, so her wanting to shower together is a shock to me.

  “I’d love nothing more.”

  JOSIE

  I don’t know why I asked him that. I guess it’s because I miss the way our bodies feel against one another – naked, wet, hot. But after I realized what I asked, I get scared. What if he freaks out or is disgusted and can’t look at me? I don’t think I’ll be able to handle that. But after all the beautiful things I heard him say to Alex and Ollie tonight when he thought I was sleeping, how could I question him for a second?

  I swallow my fears and insecurities and walk to the bathroom where he already has the shower on. He shucks his jeans, and I watch his sexy-as-sin backside enters the shower. Taking my time to strip out of my clothes, I toss them in the hamper. I take one more calming breath before I step into the shower to join Travis.

  His back is still to me when I enter. Gosh, he’s sexy. I place a single kiss between his shoulder blades, my hands on his hips. “I’m scared,” I say quietly with my head resting on his back.

  “You have nothing to be scared of.” Not giving me time to question what I’m doing or to run, he turns around. His eyes stay on my face for a beat before they slowly drift down my body. I follow his gaze as it trails every part of me. I’m nervous and want to cover myself from his stare, but I know I need to let him see me. What’s left of me at least.

  “You are so damn beautiful.”

  “You don’t have to lie to me, Travis.” I feel tears sting in my eyes, but I refuse to not look him in the face. I want the honest truth from him. It’s harder than I thought it’d be.

  He takes my hand and presses it to his hard cock. My eyes fall down seeing he’s hard. For me. “Does it look like I’m lying?” My eyes snap back up. He’s got that smirk on his face and mischief in his eyes.

  “I…” I start but clamp my mouth shut, not sure of what to say.

  “You have no idea the things you do to me, pretty girl.”

  I press into him and kiss him. I feel primal in my need to feel him. I suck on his bottom lip before my tongue dives in to meet his, dancing together in the heat of our kisses.

  “Mmm… Baby, you taste good.”

  “Fuck, Joes, what are you doing to me?”

  “I wasn’t expecting this. At all. But the way you make me feel beautiful does something to me. I can’t keep away. I missed the way you feel against me, your hands on me, your hard to my soft. It’s so magical the way our bodies mesh and move together as one. I miss it.”r />
  “Me too. But are you ready for that? Do you feel up for that? It’s been a big day. We don’t have to rush anything. We have all the time in the world,” he says, kissing my shoulder, sucking the water from my skin.

  I press my head to his chest. “I am kind of tired,” I admit quietly, hating to end the heat between us.

  He pulls my chin up to look at him. “It’s OK. You gave me more tonight than I was expecting. I like when you take the lead.” He kisses me once more on the lips. “Now, let’s wash up and get in bed so we can see who Rachel’s baby daddy is.” He smacks my butt. “I kinda want it to be Joey.”

  After we finish our shower, Travis curls around me while we watch Friends. His warmth pulls me under into sleep, feeling loved and content in his arms.

  * * *

  “I need to tell you a couple of things I’ve decided,” I say, leaning my hip against the bathroom counter. Travis is shaving and getting ready for work.

  He stops and turns toward me, his face half shaven, half covered in shaving cream still. “OK. Should I be worried?”

  “I don’t think so. I just wanted to give you a heads-up.”

  “Alright then.” He turns back toward the mirror to finish his task.

  “First, I’m going to go back to work next week.” I finished radiation last week, and now that I’m not sick and don’t have to see the doctor every day, I need to get back to work.

  “Josie. It’s too soon. Your immune system is still weak. I don’t think that’s a good idea yet.”

  “Funny, because I was telling you, not asking you.”

  He turns to me. “Is that how things are going to be? You just tell me what is happening and I have no say?”

  “Not with everything, but this, yes.”

  I watch his jaw clench and I prepare for the anger to spew, but instead, he says, “Fine. What’s the other thing you’re telling me is happening.”

  “I don’t want to do hormone therapy.”

  “And why the hell not? That is to kill off anything bad and keep the cancer from returning. Why, oh wise one, are you not doing that?”

  “Because I don’t want to go into menopause yet. I want the possibility of having your baby, you asshole.”

  His razor falls into the sink, and he presses his lips to mine. Shaving cream is spreading all over both our faces. “I take it you don’t mind now?”

  “I still think we need to talk this one out, but the fact that you’d even consider wanting and having my baby is unbelievable to me.”

  I pick the shaving cream back up and spread a new layer over the parts he hasn’t shaved yet. “I go back to Dr. Swartz next week. I need to decide by then.” I drag his razor up his cheek. “I know it’s a long shot either way, but I still feel young.”

  “You are young.” He turns his face a little to kiss the inside of my wrist. “You know that if you can’t or decide you don’t want to have more kids, I’m OK with that, right?”

  “I know. But I’m not sure how I feel about it yet. Before, everything moved so fast so I could start treatment. Now that it’s mostly over, I just want to have the possibility of a future. No matter what it looks like. I’m ready to start our future, Travis.”

  “Me too, pretty girl. Me too.”

  “I’ll do more research today, and we can talk more tonight?”

  “You know, I think this is something that needs to be your choice, not mine. I get that it affects both of us some, but it’s your body, Josie. You’re the one that’s been fighting this cancer monster. The one that will have to go through early menopause or decide about trying for a baby that you’ll have to carry and give birth to. I don’t think this is up to me at all. I think this has to be your decision. But know that I will support you no matter what you decide.”

  “Gosh, I love you.”

  “I know. I’m pretty great.”

  “Boy, someone is spunky today.”

  “Nah, just happy.” He smiles at me.

  Chapter 19

  Josie

  When I told Dr. Swartz that I didn’t want to go on hormone therapy, she wasn’t happy with me. She told me about the risks of the cancer returning and made sure I knew she was advising me to take them. But I wasn’t ready to go into menopause yet. I’d already stripped my body of things before it was ready, and I didn’t want to do it anymore. She shook her head at me in disbelief that I was willing to take the chance, but I wasn’t going to back down on this. I knew what I wanted.

  And what I wanted was a fair shot at a ‘normal’ life with Travis.

  Even if the cancer came back, I could say that I tried. I fought and I did what I wanted. I’d done the treatments. I did the sickness, the weakness, the pity from others. I lost my hair and part of my body. I was done with that. If the cancer decided to come back, then I’d let it and live out my days happy and doing what I wanted. Not letting it get in the way of my happiness for my last days.

  But for now, I was good. The cancer appeared to be gone, and I could pick up where I left off. Gosh, that feels liberating.

  I drive straight from my appointment with Dr. Swartz to my office. I hadn’t been there in months, but I was ready. It’s like I woke up this morning with a new vigor, thriving for life that was slipping by me. I needed to start fighting my way back.

  I walk in with a new confidence that I didn’t have before. A smile on my face, wearing my short hair in a faux hawk, I step with purpose, with my head held high.

  “Damn, girl. You know this is a real estate office and not the runway in Milan, right?” Candace asks, following me into my office.

  I flick the lights on and smile. I hadn’t seen this office in months, and it felt good to be back. My empty coffee mug sits next to my computer monitor, my Scentsy burner turned off. I take it all in, excited to be back.

  “Candace, I need to work. I need to do something. What do we have? Anything new that I can just take and run with?”

  Her smile spreads across her bright pink lips before she lunges at me and hugs me hard. “I missed you so much.”

  “I missed you, too. But do not make me cry. I’ve done enough of that over the last few months. Happy. That’s what we’re doing now.”

  “OK. You’re right,” she says, taking a step back and smoothing out her shift dress. “We did get a new client today. Cute house here in Graves. Four bedrooms, three and a half baths, finished basement. They need to sell fast and are willing to price it to make it happen. I was thinking about doing an open house next week if we can get everything ready in time. What do you think?”

  “Let me take it over. Can you get me all the info you have?”

  “Sure thing,” she says, walking toward the door, but pauses. “I’m so fucking happy you’re back.”

  I match her smile. “Me too.”

  Once Candace gets me everything she has on the house on Walnut Street, I go to work. And it feels amazing.

  * * *

  I’m waiting for the flyers for the house to come out of the printer when Travis walks in. His feet thunder on the ground, and his jaw is clenched as he makes his way to me.

  “What the hell, Joes?”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Don’t play dumb. Do you even know what time it is? You’ve been gone all day. Tatum is home from school. Neither of us knew where you were.”

  “I told you I was going back to work.” I still haven’t turned to face him, pretending I’m busy.

  “You told me three days ago you wanted to, not that you were coming here after your appointment today.”

  “Well, I came after my appointment.” I turn and shrug. Holding the papers that finished printing, I walk toward my office. Travis is right behind me, his angry footfalls close to mine.

  He slams the door shut behind him. “Don’t walk away from me,” he says through clenched teeth.

  “What is your problem? I’m a grown-ass woman, this is my office, and I told you I’d be coming back to work. Why are you so upset?”

  “Yo
u didn’t tell me. You didn’t answer my calls or texts. Not even Tatum’s. She called me, worried when you weren’t home.”

  “I’m sorry. Time got away from me, I guess. And I forgot to turn my phone off silent after my appointment,” I say, feeling bad now for worrying them.

  He walks to me and wraps me in his arms. “Josie, if anything happened to you…”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you. Honestly, I wasn’t trying to prove a point or anything. I just came straight here and was excited to get back to work,” I say, my cheek against his rapidly thumping heart.

  “Just please, tell me in some way where you’re going to be. Please?”

  “I will. Is Tate alright?”

  “I called her when I got here and your car was in the lot. She’s alright.”

  “I feel bad now.”

  “You should.”

  I tilt my head up to look at him. His face has softened some. I raise up on my toes and kiss him. “I love you.”

  He chuckles and kisses me again. “I love you, too. That’s the problem. I can’t stand not knowing where you are and not being able to take care of you.”

  “Travis, I’m OK. I’m right here.”

  He holds me a little while longer before asking, “How’d the doctor go?”

  “Let’s just say you aren’t the only one I made mad today.”

  “You told her no to the hormone therapy?”

  I nod my head. “Yep.”

  “How much longer are you going to be here?”

  “I’m done now.”

  “OK, I’ll follow you home. Pizza tonight?”

  “Sounds perfect.”

  “You’re perfect.”

  We went home and ate pizza, and although exhaustion was catching up to me, I wasn’t about to admit that to Travis. The day felt amazing. I felt amazing. I felt normal.

  “So how much are you going to be working now?” Travis yells at me from where he is in bed waiting for me while I brush my teeth and get ready to join him.

  “I don’t know,” I say around foamy toothpaste. I spit in the sink and rinse my mouth before continuing. “Maybe start with three days a week and work up to more.”